Be Curious, Not Judgmental

Why Business Leaders Should Be More Like Ted Lasso

Author’s Note: This post has spoilers from the critically acclaimed and Emmy Award winning series, Ted Lasso, which is currently exclusively distributed by Apple TV+.

There must be many reasons why Ted Lasso has captured the hearts of so many. Maybe the show’s prestige amongst Hollywood’s elite (the show has been nominated for 127 awards and won 34 over its three seasons) is a small tell. If you don’t buy the Hollywood hype – I don’t blame you – perhaps you can point to how others talk about him (watch how Hannah Waddingham, in tears, thanks Jason Sudeikis, the actor who plays Ted Lasso, as soon as she gets on stage). Still unsure? I argue that it is Jason Sudeikis’ (Ted Lasso) empathetic leadership style that is what makes him, his team, and ultimately, the show, a smashing success.

If you have not yet seen the series, I would highly recommend watching it for those that enjoy lighthearted comedies, sports (specifically soccer, or football internationally), and optimistic leadership. I won’t go too much into the premise nor backstory of the characters and will instead assume that readers will have either seen at least part of the series or plan to watch it. I will share a link to the trailer of Ted Lasso here for those that want to learn more about the show. In short, it is about a college football coach with no soccer experience being recruited to lead a Premier League club in England.

What stuck with me most while watching the series were the various lessons on general management, emotional intelligence, and teamwork that permeated throughout. Ted Lasso leads AFC Richmond’s soccer (football) club, employing management styles including empathy, vulnerability, and charisma that I believe are lost in today’s culture. We are seeing boisterous personalities, large egos, and ‘I did this, I built that’ attitudes become the norm for displaying leadership.

In my view, Ted Lasso’s version of empathetic leadership, the style taught by Stanford’s Graduate School of Business, is the type of direction that is required to build, scale, and lead teams of all types: sports teams, business organizations – you name it. Empathetic leadership is seen throughout the Ted Lasso series, and I believe is best captured in Season 1, Episode 8, titled The Diamond Dogs. In the episode, management themes that permeate the series begin to flourish:

1. Be Dependable

2. Be Vulnerable

3. Be Curious

I will dive into each theme below and demonstrate why and how business leaders should be more like Ted Lasso.

Be Dependable

The episode, The Diamond Dogs, begins with AFC Richmond assistant coach Nathan Shelley in the storage of the team bus, hungover, discovered by his teammates. Nathan Shelley “Nate” was a kit manager for AFC Richmond for many years before Ted came along and discovered his extremely high soccer-IQ to be an asset for the team. Through a mix of Ted being curious about Nate and Nate’s constant display to be reliable as a kit manager, Nate quickly rose the ranks of AFC Richmond to become an assistant manager, and later, the team manager of a competing Premier League club.

What can we learn from both Ted and Nate? From Ted, we see how his curiosity about Nate: his background, where we grew up, his family, his interests, and his thoughts on what AFC Richmond should do – led to outsized results. From Nate, we discover how building a reputation for being dependable, reliable, and the ‘go-to’ for many can open many doors for upward career trajectory.

In management, becoming dependable makes it difficult for those who depend on you – including your direct manager, your peers, and your customers – to lose you. Being dependable also builds trust in your decision making, which leads to greater confidence, role expansion, and typically results. Be dependable.

Be Vulnerable

In the episode, both Ted and manager of AFC Richmond, Rebecca Welton (“Rebecca”), attempt to move on from their ex-spouses. Ted beats himself up over being with another woman for the first time since his separation, resulting in him discussing his dilemma with his coaching staff. During deliberation, the staff comes up with the group name: ‘The Diamond Dogs,’ which becomes a hallmark throughout the series and the title of the episode. The Diamond Dogs is a safe space for the coaching staff to seek advice and discuss emotional topics amongst the group. More on this later.

Also in the episode, aging soccer star Roy Kent struggles to talk to Keeley Jones about their budding relationship. Meanwhile, Jamie Tart, the current star player, experiences a turning point in his emotional growth journey as he opens up to his now-ex-girlfriend Keeley. Keeley ‘rewards’ Jamie, and then tells Roy about it later in the episode, causing Roy to shut down. Even though Roy ultimately chooses to forgo discussing his relationship with The Diamond Dogs, this episode marks the first time we notice Roy’s willingness to grow emotionally.

So, what does the formation of The Diamond Dogs in this episode reveal? In my view, that leadership starts at the top. Through Ted’s own trials and tribulations, he finds himself expressing deep vulnerability to those closest to him on his team: his coaching staff. His staff responds positively by sharing his pain, providing their opinions, and opening up about themselves. What ends up happening? A cascading effect begins to form, where vulnerability and empathy are woven into the fabric of the team.

In management, empathetic leaders display vulnerabilities themselves to not only set precedence, but also to foster deeper and more meaningful relationships amongst those in the organization. Rather than talk about being vulnerable, creating safe spaces, and building empathetic organizations – be vulnerable.

Be Curious

Towards the end of the episode, my favorite part unfolds when Ted introduces Rebecca to his favorite pub for the first time. However, his kind gesture takes an unexpected turn as Rebecca's ex-husband, Rupert Mannion, arrives accompanied by his new fiancé and proceeds to embarrass Rebecca. Rupert, known as the villain following their messy divorce, consistently seeks to humiliate Rebecca. This pattern continues at the pub, where we witness yet another instance of Rupert harassing her. Fortunately, Ted steps in to intervene. Rupert challenges Ted to a game of darts, along with a wager. If Ted loses, Rupert chooses AFC Richmond's starting lineup. If Rupert loses, he is banned from the owner's box to protect Rebecca from further harassment.

They agree to play. Before the game starts, Rupert reveals that he conveniently had his own set of special darts in his pocket. Ted playfully follows suit by jokingly claiming he forgot he was left-handed, and then proceeds to throw a dart with his left hand, hitting the bullseye effortlessly. As the game reaches its climax in the final round, Ted finds himself with only three darts remaining and facing a seemingly insurmountable losing position. Rupert takes this opportunity to criticize Rebecca for introducing Sam Obisanya into the league and tarnishing the team he once owned.

In his characteristically lighthearted manner, Ted retorts that he has always been underestimated by others, a fact that has never ceased to bother him. However, one day, while driving his son to school, he came across a quote by Walt Whitman that resonated with him:

“Be Curious, Not Judgmental.”

With newfound inspiration, Ted confidently throws his first dart, landing it precisely where it needed to be. In that moment, Ted shares his realization with Rupert: those who belittled him lacked curiosity. They arrogantly assumed they had it all figured out and thus resorted to passing judgment on everyone.

Ted continues his train of thought, telling Rupert, “Had the bullies asked questions, like, ‘Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?’” – while throwing his second dart perfectly. Ted continues, “I would have responded: ‘Yes sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father from age 10 ‘til I was 16, when he passed away. Barbecue Sauce.” – and with determination, Ted delivers a final, resounding throw, hitting the bullseye, and securing victory, leaving Rupert, Rebecca, and everyone at the bar in an uproar.

What does this final scene of the episode illustrate? Asking questions reduces judgement. They provide opportunities to learn from others. They improve relationships. They avoid arguments, disagreements, and squabbles. Not only that, searching for answers forces us to be open minded. To broaden from what we know, which is infinitesimal, to what we don’t know. Asking questions helps us understand others’ points of views, cultures, biases, and motivations. It shows that we are willing to learn, rather than act like we know.

In management, asking questions, like Ted does, helps us to become better leaders. Through asking questions, we can learn more about our product, or service, that we are selling. Can the product be improved, have we thought about new features, have we tested this in other markets? Through asking questions, we can learn more about our customers and what makes them tick. Can we learn about purchasing habits, where customers spend their time, and how users engage with our products? And, I would argue most importantly, through asking questions, we can learn more about our team. Can we depend on our teammates more, how do we foster a more open, vulnerable environment, and what will it take to ensure our team stays curious?

These are the types of questions that I believe will help leaders – or in Ted Lasso’s case, soccer managers – that rely on others to execute more effectively. It starts with you. Be curious, not judgmental.